Moving On

So, that's it. You've tried everything and it's time to face facts. Your relationship is over and you both need to deal with that and move on. But, how do you deal with it? What needs to be done?

Being in such a situation can seem overwhelming. You may have decided that the relationship is over but things can seem like they are getting worse, rather than better. There may be horrible amounts of tension at home, maybe hours of silence interspersed with spiteful comments and raging arguments. Or you may just feel sad that the relationship hasn't worked, despite your best intentions, and simply lacking the energy to see any kind of future. There may be financial issues or upset children and life can seem as though it is spiralling out of your control.

Although Family Mediation has been growing in popularity over the past 20 years, there are still many people who do not understand exactly what it offers. Let me try and explain...

Family Mediation is all about dealing with the practicalities of ending a relationship in as sensible a way as possible. The issues between couples typically relate to financial matters and/or arrangements for any children they have together. There is often a lot to sort out and it can be daunting to try and do so without any help.

The process of Family Mediation is simple. The couple meet with a Family Mediator who is impartial. The Mediator will firstly listen and will then calmly help the couple to identify the issues that need to be addressed, before exploring with them various ways of resolving those issues. Depending on the complexity of issues, there will usually be between 3 and 6 mediation sessions. Those sessions are confidential. Once all the issues have been addressed and resolved, the Mediator will prepare a document called a Memorandum of Understanding recording what has been discussed. The Mediator will also prepare a Summary of all the financial information provided.

One of the best things about Family Mediation is its flexibility - you really can discuss anything that is important in your particular circumstances, even down to who is going to sort through the 20 years' worth of belongings in the loft!
But the very best thing about Family Mediation is that it is you that make the decisions about your future. A Family Mediator is there to help you to make informed decisions but is not there to impose decisions upon you, which means that you regain control over your life.

Legal advice of course remains important and a solicitor can be asked to create a legally enforceable Agreement or Court Order based upon a Memorandum of Understanding prepared by a Family Mediator, if that is what the couple want. However, using the legal process alone is generally considered to be a more expensive option, in terms of both money and time, compared with Family Mediation.

Profile of Helen Biggerstaff:

I am a Family Mediator working in Tunbridge Wells. My website gives further details about Family Mediation which I hope you will find useful and interesting (www.helenbiggerstaff-mediator.co.uk).

Other websites of interest are the Family Mediators' Association (www.thefma.co.uk) and the Family Mediation Helpline (www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk).

If you have specific questions or would like to arrange an appointment, I can be reached by telephone on 0790 335 3418 or you can e-mail me at:

helenbiggerstaff.familymediator@googlemail.com

Written for Winter 2009 issue by Helen Biggerstaff