SAHD (Stay At Home Dad) - Part 2

As tempting as it may seem, never complain about the hard day's work you've had at the office, and ask your wife why she hasn't done the cleaning and is watching CBeebies with the children. If only it were that simple, my new life as a SAHD would be a breeze. Sure, you get up at a ridiculous hour, but after a few coffees things would be easy. You'd spend a bit of time playing with the kids, listening to, err, Women's Hour on the radio, attempt the newspaper crossword while the kids are quietly amusing themselves with jigsaw puzzles and colouring in for hours on end in the afternoon. After that you would cook something around five, and welcome your wife home to give the kids a goodnight kiss before reading them a bedtime story.

Only, as readers of my last column will remember, it doesn't quite work that way. Indeed, it's a constant battle of wills to be the one in control, and the look of pity from mothers' eyes when they see you at the playground, and facing day after day comments such as "Oh, you are babysitting today". Hmm, yes, and tomorrow and the day after that no doubt too! Anyone who thought boys were supposed to enjoy colouring in are mistaken. Yes, they are engrossed for five minutes before they jump up, ready for the next activity which they assume you already have prepared. Our baby too, once new born and adorable, is now ten months old and no longer wants to sleep all day, or sit around and watch daddy, but wants to join in, and pull daddy's hair and needs nappies changing at the precise moment his older, and supposedly wiser, brother is pulling off (and counting) the flower petals from the bouquet I bought Mummy on our wedding anniversary.

All this, is of course, nothing new to both mothers and fathers, and is daily life for a great many, but those who do this day in day out deserve not just a medal, but the gratitude of their kids (which let's face it, they are unlikely to ever get) and the respect and understanding of their partners. Many of my friends sneered at my decision to quit my well paid job "to be with the children", and make a fresh start as a journalist. Many of them, too, see me as a part-time worker (as much as I would love to be a SAHD seven days a week, financial necessity means I have to do paid work as well), and someone who merely hangs out with his kids while they are at the office, doing the real work.

Being a weekend father (or mother) is nothing like being a weekday one. Weekends are relaxed, everyone is in a good mood, and there is often some fun trip to go on, and at least for me, the family would all be together to help each other out. There is a reason for the extra lines around your eyes, you who choose to stay at home to raise the children - it's because bringing up children is of course the most wonderful thing, but let's not pretend it is not exhausting and can be greatly stressful. I am under a pressure I never felt at the office, the pressure to raise my children. Much like marriage itself, bringing up children is a commitment that needs love, reassurance, and a lot of patience. Especially during the Friday supermarket run, when your little boy has just knocked over all the cans of stacked up baked beans and is screaming on the floor as the sympathetic shop assistant tells you "Never mind, his mummy will be with him tomorrow".

Stephen Maughan is a freelance journalist and local dad. His website can be found at http://spmaughan.snappages.com

Article written for Spring 2010 issue of Playground magazine